Archive for July, 2009

Nokia N95 – how do I hate thee, let me count the ways…

July 16, 2009

I have a Nokia N95. I absolutely fucking hate it. I still use it. But I hate it. Why? Why do I hate it?

It’s slow. You press a button, it has to think about what to do. This problem is common to a lot of modern phones. I call them “java phones”. I hate its slowness. I’m getting used to it, but I hate it.

Battery life. Has to be charged every day. Always has.

Size. Bulky as fuck. Can’t keep it in my pocket comfortably. Often leave it at home and have to drive back and get it.

Its web browser. Oh. My. God. Worst. Web. Browser. Ever. Ever!!! This is going to have to wait for another web post. Opera on it is just as bad, unfortunately.

Non-standard charger. Why did Nokia go and change their charger? Why??? The world had billions of old-style Nokia chargers. That was a big reason to stay with Nokia. I’m done with Nokias now.

I wouldn’t mind, but there’s no phone I actually want. The iphone is probably the least shit phone out there, but it’s still shit. Too bloody big, for starters.

On my old Nokia phone (6230i – I hated that too!) I could easily set an alarm for (say) fifteen minutes from now. “Take bread out of oven.” “Take beer out of freezer.” “Take body out of boot.” Not with this phone. I have to know what time it is now first. And it’s really hard to find out precisely what time this phone thinks it is. Especially when you’re in the “set a todo” menu.

Architecturitis. The OS on this phone has been (pause to express disgust) architectized. It’s been designed to make C++ applications moderately clean to write. Design Patterns. Negative regard has been given to the user experience. Fuck the user.

The phone book is a separate application. If you left it open, next time you go to it, it’ll be on the last person’s page you looked at. If you didn’t leave it open, it won’t be.

Oh, and the phone book, if you type in R…E, it’ll find anybody with an R and an E in their names. Not people whose first name entry begins with RE, like what I want. Breaking a core part of the phone out into a separate “application” is a sure sign of architecturitis.

Breakage. I’ve just slid the screen up to unlock it. (This usually works … not always. Jeez.) But the phone seems to have mysteriously died. WTF? It’s not like it was short of battery or anything.

Camera. I have lots of pictures of the inside of my pocket. Sob.

GPS. Completely pointless.

Boot time. WTF does a phone need to take a whole minute to “Boot” up for? It’s a fucking phone for fuck’s sake.

Keyboard. Shite. Horrid, nasty little keys.

Menus. I’ve had it nearly a year, and I still can’t find configuration menus. How is that possible?

Bluetooth. It sometimes works.

And many other grievances. I’m just finished with Nokias now. It’s time to find something less creatively awful.

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